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"As people become more comfortable and sex becomes more routine, couples often just hop into bed and start going through their sexual motions," says Jeske. Leave a trail of clothes from the front door to the living room.Don't forgo that lost art forever: "Seduce your partner," she says. Text your partner throughout the day telling him or her what you are doing to do after work, then deliver on those promises." It's all about incorporating an element of surprise, she says. "If you aren't sure how your partner wants to be seduced, ask," she says."It's OK to know what you want, ask for what you want, and make sure you are taken care of. "I work with so many lovely couples who adore each other, and respect each other, and are so polite with each other," Jeske says.Not only OK, it's sexy." Ask for what you want, and ask your partner to just focus on you from time to time. "They feel close and content, and they also have a hard time finding the erotic in their sex." In other words, they respect each other so much that they feel uncomfortable with letting things veer too far from vanilla in bed."It's OK to be super loving and tender, and then also find a way to objectify each other a bit in the bedroom," she says."Don't get me wrong: Tender, sweet love-making is divine." But it's worth exploring, she says: "Is there a way for you to have that, and also be erotic? Can you have dirty sex with the same person you parent with?Sometimes people "share that when their partner seductively whispers in their ear, 'What do you want me to do to you?' they have no idea what they want or how to ask for it," Jeske says.
"And if you haven't had sex in a while, it's easy to put it off until you are sure it's going to be good," she says.
This makes sense — there are only so many times that you can roll out a new idea or position, and it's way too easy to let yourself become too comfortable.
Couples can struggle with how often to have sex, and what to do when they're in bed together.
"If you keep expecting your sex to look the same as it did when you were 25, you will be disappointed," says Jeske.
"And if you get frustrated when things don't work the same as they always did, you may shut down and stop having sex." Instead, accepting what is and being open about what is to come will help."Our bodies change as we age," Jeske says.