Dating before divorce with kids

If most clinical psychologists and family therapists think it is a bad idea to introduce a new girlfriend or boyfriend to the children early on in the case, than moving in with them has to be 10x worse, from looking at things from the child’s perspective.

If you do not have minor children, it may not matter what you do, but where you have minor children involved, a person is well advised not to move in with a new boyfriend or girlfriend in the middle of the divorce.

Further, if you may be facing a custody battle or your spouse didn’t want the divorce, they will use your new boyfriend/ girlfriend against you. Generally, most courts will enter an order that prohibits significant others from being around the children during overnight placement.

It cannot help you in the divorce case; it can only hurt you. There usually isn’t an all encompassing “no contact” order, but courts do have discretion during the divorce to order the parties not to have a new boyfriend or girlfriend around the children at any time.

If it is a mutual decision to end the marriage, this is less of an issue.

Where it comes into play is where the other spouse does not want a divorce and is very hurt that their spouse filed.

The answer to the first question posed above is yes; you are free to date whenever you want to date. For the sake of your spouse and sensitivity in the event that this is not a mutual decision to get a divorce, your dating no sooner than the divorce is filed sends a very strong and hurtful message I think, to your spouse that you are insensitive to their needs and you are simply “rubbing it into their face” when you start to date so quickly.However, if you decide to move in with someone, this could impact the amount of the obligation when the divorce is filed.Although judges use a standard formula based on the incomes of both parents, courts in Oregon are allowed to deviate from the calculation.You may have your reasons for doing it, such as economically, you can’t afford to live on your own, you don’t want to move in with your parents, the new significant other is wonderful and a great person, and while all of those things may be true, you are risking the placement of your children over it.The court can certainly enter an order that a parent not have their significant other around during overnight placement of the children.

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Dating before or during a divorce may affect the child custody arrangement.

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